Snow, wind, and sunshine have me wondering at times where I am and what month it is. Some days it feels like spring, and others, the dead of winter. Thankfully the winter days have had minimal travel, and just enough bite to make one thankful for the next sunny and breezy day at 50 degrees. Perspective is everything, especially during December in Nebraska.

The Wakefield’s bunkhouse has been my favorite office this year. You never know who might walk in the door and reprieve some screen time. And multiple days I’ve had to step outside the barn to field calls for a while before going back in to rope again. I’m thankful to be surrounded by not only talented athletes, but also humble cowboys and cowgirls of upstanding character and charisma.

There’s a lot to be said about ability inside the arena, but it’s more important who you are outside the arena. This season has challenged me greatly in that department, knowing that how I perform is not my identity. I’ve learned so much about the fine details of this sport, both with my rope and with my horse. Some days I want to cut my rope and quit. I’ve questioned why on earth did I choose this? But then I remembered two very important pieces to this journey.

Several posts ago, I wrote about how I came into team roping. I didn’t own a horse, have any experience competing, or own a rope. But when the opportunity presented itself in Montana, I remember praying, “Ok, Lord if you want me to do this, I ask you make it abundantly clear that this is your will and not my own.” This prayer has seen both the high and lows of the sport in my journey. When things are going my way, it’s tempting to idolize and prioritize it over the Lord. The Holy Spirit has humbled me, pulling me back into grace, and acknowledging this isn’t about me. It is about Him. And the day He asks me to put it all aside, or go do something else, I will.

On the other hand of things, I’ve questioned God. Why did you let me invest so much in something so challenging that I am not good at? Most athletes choose the sport that they excel in, likely at a young age. I didn’t start this journey until my late 20’s, almost 30. Although some things came quickly, dues still need to be paid daily in the form of repetition, persistence, and hard work. Last week the struggles were heavy on me. I wanted to quit, multiple times and just say I’m done, this is stupid and sink into a hole of doubt.

One of the cowgirls at Wakefield’s arena is a very talented breakaway roper, Jenna. She has never made me feel insignificant in the arena, though her talents are far superior to mine, and her accolades and accomplishments are impressive. She and I were talking about the mental game of the sport, and how you handle runs that don’t go your way. She reminded me that for one, the video doesn’t tell the whole story. It could look one way, but if it accomplishes a goal, and that’s a win. She encouraged me to find one good, positive thing in every run. And sometimes, that one positive thing is that I stayed on my horse, kept all my fingers, and got to move on to the next run. Perspective is everything.

The NFR has shown even the best in the world make mistakes, misread the play, and get into mental battles. No one is exempt from this part of the process. This past weekend, I had my own tough mental battles when I made mistakes I had yet to make in this season. I asked Riley, “Why did I even come? I feel like an idiot.” He said, “You have to be proud that you showed up, and learned, and use that to fuel the next practice.” I started to digest this piece, still frustrated with the mistakes I made.

We talked more about the process of showing up and entering  to make us better. I somewhat understood, but I had expectations of doing much better than I did and felt horrible that I let others down. Without hesitation, he responded, “No one expected anything from you. You’re still waiting for things to come together. They haven’t all come together yet, but you never know when that day will be. So you have to keep entering to pursue that day, because it will come.”

Huh. Here I was entering, expecting to win, expecting for the great things to happen. I hadn’t had this perspective before. My mind started to twirl around this idea of expectations. Why would I expect results that have never happened before? I asked him what that process is like for him. He said, “When they do come together, then you have the confidence that you can replicate the success, but if it hasn’t happened, you’re still in pursuit. But it will happen.”

Wow. What a revelation. Again, it brought me back to running. In long distance races, I wasn’t thinking about the finish line until I saw it. Then I knew I could run through the tape. And I knew I could finish the race because of the miles I had run in preparation. And there were a lot of failures in that journey. The journey showed me where I needed to improve, whether that was in training, pace, mindset, or stamina. And the perspective I had during those long-distance races was it was more insane to quit than it was to keep going. So I kept going.

It was revealed to them [the prophets] that their services were not meant for themselves and their time, but for you, in these things which have now been told to you by those who preached the gospel to you by the power of the Holy Spirit sent from heaven. Into these things even the angels long to look. 1 Peter 1:12 AMP

This scripture is so revealing in the way we are in pursuit of our calling. Even the prophets realized that their work was not meant for themselves, it was for others. Their revelations of the Holy Spirit and our Savior, Jesus, were meant for the next ones. Into these things even the angels long to look. This piece is key. The angels long to see us in service to others. That’s the revelation. The perspective of our story, each day, is being prepared that the hope of Jesus is coming.

In this season of hope, I pray you have perspective in your own story. Humility isn’t about stooping low in how we see ourselves. It’s about knowing your story serves a higher purpose than yourself. Stay in the arena, whatever that may look like for you, and keep your perspective beyond yourself. The angels long to see it.